What's the use?

Nothing is sacred anymore. I need to leave this place. NYC is making me feel like shit everyday. I feel so confined and lonely. Almost everyday I stay the house most of the day and sleep, watch TV, surf the web, and eat fatty foods. The depression and anger I feel is too controlled that I think my hair on my head is thinning out. A 21 year old loosing hair - now thats something. Sometimes I would just stand there in the mirror and look at myself. What do I see? I see failure. I see my chapped lips. I see the patch that starting to form on my head. I see someone who is low and weak.

But what about friends? There should be someone your able to talk to about the way you feel. Yea, right, if I had friends. I have an unlimited plan with unlimited talk and text. How can I take advantage of that when all the calls I make go unanswered? Or the texts I send get a one word reply or no reply at all? To think I can trust certain people I wind up getting betrayed. The mask they put on in front of me starts to melt away like wax and there I meet the monster they really are. Even if there is a glimmer if hope when I find the right friend either two things happen; they're either too busy to even acknowledge I'm trying to be a good friend or some douche comes along and takes away the only good friends I have left. Nothing is sacred anymore.

I just want to leave this place. This disgusting filth full of fakes, douches, betrayers, and just plain evil. I need to get out. The most happiest I felt in a while was being able to fly to Phoenix, Arizona by myself. The feeling to be able to just leave NYC and travel to some place different where no one knows me and meet new people. Thats what I need in my life. I need to travel and keep moving. I've been in one place too long. I come to realize its best not to attach myself to people so that I won't get hurt, at least not for now. But I need to work on me before I decide to settle into something. I can't live this way. Jehovah help me to work on me.